haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
