I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
