apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
