you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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