If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize