I looked at my own cervix.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
