I think I died a long time ago.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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