i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
