relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
