Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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