look no pants
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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