I looked at my own cervix.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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