eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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