I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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