Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
