i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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