just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
