im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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