Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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