doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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