I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize