I molested 6 butterflies tonight
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
