I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
one two three fourrrrnication!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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