We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
