I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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