Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
