I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
