check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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