I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize