is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish i was in the wii world.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
