he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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