Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
