Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
