I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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