We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize