I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
