who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
