What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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