he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize