So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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