Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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