He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
