At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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