Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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