I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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