I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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