I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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