i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i think my cat just said my name.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
