I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
