You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
