He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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