You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
