gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
