So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He passed out mid-signature
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
