Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
