i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
