can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
