Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
