I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He better not be in your backpack
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My ass is underappreciated
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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