Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
