I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
