38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
