K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize