I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
