She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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