Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
