Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
