Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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