Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want to make out with him forever
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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