i jhust puked up my retainher.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
