why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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