just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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