ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
