She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
