The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
