Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
