good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize