video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
