so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
