So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
