You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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