i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
