My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
