Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
