Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
