I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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