It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize