How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
