I'm gonna have a badass scar
Michael Bay diarrhea
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drake has all the answers
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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