remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
