I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
