shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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