eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
