I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
