what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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