when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
