i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
