things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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