I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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