Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
