My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
