mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
