Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
